you can never tell what someone is thinking. but what i think, you can always tell it by my face expressions. friends is not a simple thing you can find out there. they are here when uou have a blunder, here screaming when you get crazy and most of all, listens to your sad stories and advices C:

that is a whole friendship i would love to treasure (:

Saturday, November 9, 2013

I've never felt this way before....... :)

while I was doing my work with much frustration and my mind feeling beat, i decided to take a rest and have a peep on my mobile. While going through my messages on whatsapp (WA), i realized He send me a text asking to check my mail ASAP. i was thinking, what could it be that's so urgent O_O 
quickly, I opened my mail to check what the content was. seeing his mail never fails to make me overjoyed for no particular reason.......... 
I guess it was an automatic response of my nervous system to send nerve impulses to my tear ducts so my eyes would sweat as I read through the beautifully designed and composed art by yours truly. 
saying sorry does not mean you've done something that is unforgivable, but it means you appreciate our relationship. 

I realized that even if I was lonely and there was no one in this world who loves me, there would be someone who will always be my knight in shining armor. I felt so loved, again. someone who never fails to express his feelings and captures my heart (ah i cant stand this why are my eyes sweating!)

"Am I lucky? or will this situation be temporary? will we bid goodbye to each other? can I hang on to him forever? what if God decides to take us to Him and we'll be separated?" are the questions in my insecure soul. For the time being, I just want to appreciate his existence in my life, everyday I'm grateful being able to wake up to my alarm or the beaming sunshine. 

And for the future, I wont ever want to stop getting to know him deeper because I know he's worth all i put in for. 

(feeling on top of the world!)

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Man of Steel

My daddy.
He's the best father more than I could ask for.
Although on the outside he may seem somewhat fierce, scary or tough, he's really nice on the inside. May he have his moments of temper or times of frustrations, the nicest things he does outweighs everything else. He may seem somewhat like a disciplinarian, but truly, he cares very much for his loved ones. With his broken humour that never fails to make me happy to the times he teach us good lessons are the moments that I cherish daddy a lot.

I feel that children shall never take advantage of the kindness of their parents. Daddy gives us almost everything we want, the things that we have been hoping to magically get, although we never ask for it. He understands what we like and he feels that making us happy with the little things are important. Therefore, we should never neglect our responsibilities in life with the given luxury that others may never even get the chance to possess.
I find that gifts or presents are unimportant, but it's his heart, thought and effort in getting them that counts.
Although he may be a little inexpressive, I know that he loves us very much.

At this time of life marking the half of a century just last month, he's aging. And as he ages, I feel sad to see his health deteriorate as years go by. I wished that there were still those days where I ride on his back and felt he was my shield.
But I realize that it's not the end of everything. I really want to make him proud and soon there will be a day where I will be the one giving him almost everything if not love. My daddy is so handsome, since young up to now,, my grandma thinks of him as Andy lau during his younger days.

He knows my favorite dishes, my favorite traveling places, the activities I do, and even my shirt size,, it's funny how he always thinks I'm still a small child buying XS clothes when he goes overseas.

I just love daddy very much. No one can every take him away from me. I will make him proud in this last Kopek. He lives in me (literally).

With tears of realization,
Daddy's little girl

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I'm NOT good enough.

I'm not good enough. yup. in everything I do, I always think that there's something in me lacking. I always want to be the best in whatever. I've said this before in SAEYLS. I always want to be on top in what I do. I remember satin that I'm competitive for anything except studies related. But, it's a whole different story now. I want to be the best in my studies as well. I feel the fire in me wanting straight A+ for what I do now. right now. I simply cannot stand being lower as I feel so embarrassed for myself. this is when the saying 'everyone has the same neurology, if it is possible for others, it's definitely possible for me too. i know i can do it. everytime my loved ones compare me to others, the feeling that I'm not good enough will always be there in my mind. I hate being compared to. especially when you know you've put in your best but you're being compared. doing your best doesn't even deserve compliments but even getting compared more to the ones who are better than you. so, I never want to be compared again to people. I want my loved ones to compare me to others. I hate being arrogant but the truth is, I wanna be the best. the best of the best. enough with that crap. today I got back my chemistry, English, biology, mathematics and physics trial papers. not complete for some but yeah. 
Chemistry : paper 1:47/50 paper3:39/50 
English: paper 2: 52/70 
Biology: paper 1: 40/50 paper 2: 48/100 paper 3: 35/50 overall: 68%/100%
mathematics: paper 1: 39/40 paper 2: 88/100 overall: 93%/100% 
physics: paper 1: 35/50 paper 2: 36/50
 I could say my worse as obvious is biology for now. 68% a B is definitely not making me happy. I could've done better. I feel devestated as I've let my mom down with my bio marks. and with this mark, I feel even more embarrassed to face Him as he was the best bio student in his school. haih. I really like bio. I've gotta step it up. to me, B is a failure. C is worse than failure. I'm sorry for letting everyone down especially my bio teacher Pn Yong who puts in so much effort into teaching us. bio lessons are important. therefore I will never skip school again. ever. I've learnt my mistake of skipping that 1 day of school. to you who is reading this, sorry I've let you down with such bad grades. I realize with my grades like that how am I suppose to get what you hope which is straight A+'s for trials like you did last year. 

i only have about 50 more days. it's game on.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Yes, I would want to be a person whom inspires others, not just by action, but the way I am as well.
Hmm, to be an inspirational person, i guess you need to have influence toward others first. People need our trust and you have to rely on theirs too. I hope that with my determination, one day I will become someone inspirational toward others.

       Today's events really had a place in my heart, as I will remember forever the things I learnt.
Inti College came to school for a talk, well more like an activity. this is definitely one of the interactive and activity based talks, not just classroom method. We took a personality test, made by blablabla..
That's not the point. the thing is, how am i to judge myself when people may think of me in another way? nonetheless, I just went on ! okay my highest score is jengjengjeng the qualities of 1. fast/quick - no i'm not. 2. something I cant remember-not important 3. confident 4. optimistic 5. love challenges . number 3,4,5 well describes me, in my opinion :)

     Mr Ronald or someone said that this group of humans (there were only 6 of us categorized under this), the rest were, the analytical owl people, social people, imaginative n innovate people and the hard workers.
Particularly, he said that our personality traits were most likely to be bossy - people tell me I'm too nice, sometimes spoon-feeding too. and he said we may be future CEO's. punny! as my field of interest is somewhat there, after i succeed in a foundation career. Likes to direct and lead. and also loves to be number one- competitive. 

       I admit i am very competitive especially when it comes to Sports. I cannot stand getting number 2, which was why I was so furious after getting a silver for 200m after 4 years. but thats okay, it's my fault for not training harder. I'm also very competitive when it comes to doing things like groupwork where i need it to be as nice as i picture it. oh and yes, he said these type of people are very futuristic - thinking towards the future. which strangely, i do, most of the time, tbh. I will create my own path of journey towards the future if I did this or that.

       For Mr Sam's talk, i didn't really focus much as I was out of the hall half of the time. My day was actually already made when I was surprised and given good news from someone whom I love so much, Nizz. The few days we went through making crucial decisions weren't easy, and I like that she didn't give up hope on believing that God will do what's best for us. It is fated that she would be part of the experience we will not miss ! And so I was cray (crazy) the whole time cox i felt so ecstatic and overwhelmed by her confirmation to my curiosity :3 this gurl is sooooo cute. especially when she was in std 6, pure angel 0:)

       I really would like to thank my parents for allowing me to go on this Thailand trip. Although it is not said in the form of words, deep down their hearts they are understanding and caring at all times. With this said, I believe they have trust in me as I have grown up, a 17 year old, and capable to take care of myself :) God is just so kind to me, that I am out of words. The circle of friends I love, would be going for this trip as well. The priceless experience we will make will be cherished by us definitely even when we grow old and sit in a wheelchair.

       This feels so much like an appreciation post, well yes it is towards some people and God. There I was in school this afternoon, had a tummy ache as my system calls for defecation. As I was in the clean cubicle, I tied my shoelaces. Things were indeed running through my mind even though i promised I would never think about anything. My heart was so contended knowing green house is rewarded with wonderful teachers this year. they will definitely guide us toward success. Pn Shazilla, Pn Norsheila, En Alias, En Mirza, Pn Ranchani, Pn Tan, and most loveable, Cik Siti Fatimah (Cik Mah <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
       Cik Mah is the cutest, most adorable, kind, caring, all in one package of a teacher i love. She is so open and lovely at all times. She is beautiful inside out. The five of us, standing backstage while hearing our names being called for voting, was the most nerve wrecking thing today. I didn't believe it as G announced my name, .........and the President is Sau Mun ! I was truly lost for words and stunned. From that moment, I thought to myself. Time is up. Its time to do it until there is pin drop silence and no disheartening words coming out. To make people believe that it was worth it after all. 260 members on a single shoulder, that is backed up by tens of other shoulders if mine were to break. Epic !

       Another epic thing that happened it Bleep Test. Never had my mind perceive that i would reach 8.0, the dream record I have finally achieved. It is the mind that controls you, physical fitness is another thing. It was the competitiveness I had, the one thing I had to accomplish. Running back and forth with Reets gave me the will to overcome my limits. My mindset ensures that I must accomplish what she does, because everybody can do it.

       All in all, I have yet to see, what others have to offer with this new coming.

Phrase for the day: The Greatest Failure in Life is Not Participating 100%
I hope that everyone out there would reflect on this phrase to make it part of your lifestyle.

Signing off and feeling good, though sneezing too much at the wrong time. Should I watch Running Man as a part of celebration?

She never smiles in photographs :p  oh i am so tanned~

Nighty :]

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

10 months have passed

.... and i could tell myself, that i have grown. not just physically, but my whole self. i have learnt the many lessons i face in life, and i can say an attitude or a habit is growing in me.

My friend, who i wish to keep anonymous because its none of your business, told me recently i have changed, a lot, from the time we stopped talking, which was in january. which was partly coz fren had to return to their mrsm, else my friend could see the time i grow this whole year.

and this year, i have put my 'fancy-life' aside. seriously, if you looked back to when i was 13 in 2009, you wouldn't even-
i was such a playful girl, i was from skbd, and nobody can take that from me. my innocence shined during that year, no one knew their boundary, or even cared for whatever that's going on. we just lived our life like there was no tomorrow, we had fun everyday. and not to forget, i became a prefect when i was in form 1. things sorta took a lil turn as being the only one in maroon, was a time that i did not cherish. luckily, some of my friends stuck on to me and i managed to pull through. i even got into the top class, which i was surprised myself. i wondered, how could students from "rubbish/foreigner/bad class" <-- 1.="1." 1="1" 2="2" :p=":p" all="all" amazing="amazing" an="an" and="and" as="as" brag="brag" by="by" can="can" class="class" done="done" dont="dont" even="even" everything="everything" form="form" future="future" getting="getting" happy.="happy." have="have" heh="heh" here="here" hm="hm" hormati-ans="hormati-ans" i="i" in="in" into="into" judged="judged" just="just" lets="lets" made="made" me="me" most="most" nbsp="nbsp" now="now" of="of" p="p" people.="people." please="please" recap="recap" remember="remember" review="review" since="since" so="so" streamed="streamed" such="such" that="that" the="the" them="them" there.="there." things="things" undisclosed="undisclosed" us="us" wanna="wanna" was="was" went="went" what="what" wonderful="wonderful" written="written">
1. went for i have a dream musical
2. participated in MSSD olahraga ^__^
3. became a MISCHEVIOUS prefect, no honestly.
4. participated in MSSD badminton *go laugh if you want. but i'm probably better than you.
5. interclass choral speaking !! !  !
6. i won 4 medals for sports day, still wasnt enough to overtake Pui San ms olahragawati who had more medal points ! ;) you may say i was jello a bit lah.
7. had best friend books, classified my friends(best friends?).
8. nah i cant wait to skip to form 4, coz thats when life gets rolling.
9. adapting to Sri Aman and being afraid of our prefect seniors, whoosh. i wonder how the form 1's now feel about us. deng.
10. i was not fearless yet. because i was still a kid.
11. nope, not involved in any lovestory so no queries !

when i was fourteen, ............. okay to be continued coz i better study sivics for tomorrow. so many interesting things happened this year, i would say? :)

Sunday, January 15, 2012


So yeah, yesterday was a good day I had with my friends, violet and Jen, besides being very productive. We discussed so many things for our YE, hehehehehe :> *shhhhhh. So if anyone is interested to know about our products coming soon, pay attention and have a generous support for us! Lovessss.

Monday, January 2, 2012  
still crazy with that song :))))

school reopen's tomorrow. whyyyyyyyyy. another year filled with an unexpected railway. just like a roller coaster, you dont know what's coming next .___.

anyways, i cant wait to sit beside my new tablemateee, i have known her for 4 lovelyy years <3

Monday, December 26, 2011

i dont think i'll be able to hear you ever again
i just wanted to conceal myself from you noticing it, not insulting. i just needed someone to sober my feelings.

i just wanted to hear that voice of yours, that would heal everything. i just wanted to hear your voice to bed

the past, i have done regretting them and i dont want to drag it for the rest of my life

but why did you have to point out my weakness.

its a burden for me to have you holding on so long.